I saw this video today and giggled at the fact that this bird’s quest is the perfect metaphor for my journey of self-discovery.
Just like this bird, I know where I am going and what I’m looking for. But just like the part of myself which I’m calling the sceptic, nothing seems to be happening: I throw my heart out and my piece of bread just gets smaller and smaller.
At least that’s what I think when I’m having a bad day. The truth is, I’m not losing anything. Worrying that I’m a misfit with no solution are all illusions of the sceptic that need to go. I am not throwing my tiny piece of bread into nothingness.
It’s just that I’m quickly becoming aware of things that were never right in my life, aspects of me which I ignored because I didn’t have the courage to face them. And it hurts to see them. But now I do. Now that I shine a light, I can see my dark corners. And having guilt or shame about these dark corners is not allowed because it’s all part of the process. And in a way, it’s beautiful.
So listen up, sceptic: I will be patient and I will keep you calm. That’s it. Try to cooperate. I’m just trying to make you feel it, even if only for a split-second. We are what we are looking for, man.
Can you feel it? The big fish is us.
The only true answer to this question is silence.
Because silence means not to follow any pattern or thought.
Silence means not to define anything as good or bad, as hopeful or despairing.
Silence means to observe with no judgement.
Silence stands outside of words, and therefore no words can describe silence.
And so the true answer for this can only be absolute silence.
And even if I were to respond to ‘why is silence important to the yogi life?’, I’d say it’s more the other way round. Silence is always important. It’s the Yogi life that is important to silence. Because silence is everywhere. But the yogi life gives us the opportunity to truly start listening to it, thoroughly, uninterruptedly.
‘You can be lonely even when you are loved by many people, since you are still not anybody’s one and only.’ – Anne Frank
My body is the home of violent emotions
Some of which I don’t understand
I ignore them and suppress them
But I’m not able to withstand.
Searching for the brightest light
Quitely shining around the corner
I see clearly and laugh out loud
But when I open my eyes, I feel the void.
Scary is to not know
Fear is to believe I diverted
Will the void get out of control?
Is the promise land a hoax?
I let go and I come home
The void is just a game I play
I know that. I feel that. It’s okay.
No hard feelings
Lies; of course, there are
Darkness is full of them
Hidden in the birds, in the trees and in the sea.
I meditate and I sink
And slowly, I let myself be pulled back
I’m not speeding up the journey
Where to, if what I need is to get back to the start?
So I let darkness kiss my cheek
My heart, my eyes, and my feet
I let it prepare me for what’s coming
I let it show me what I need to see.
“Miracles happen, not in opposition to nature, but in opposition to what we know of nature.” – St. Augustine
In the end, life’s just a game. We get energy, we lose energy, we live, we die. We gain enemies, we find love, we lose our phone, we get that plane. It’s just a game. Enjoy your player while you can, with or without a master plan.