Into the wild

Rather than lovethan moneythan faiththan famethan fairness… give me truth.” – Henry David Thoreau.

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Enlightenment explained by a bird

I saw this video today and giggled at the fact that this bird’s quest is the perfect metaphor for my journey of self-discovery.

Just like this bird, I know where I am going and what I’m looking for. But just like the part of myself which I’m calling the sceptic, nothing seems to be happening: I throw my heart out and my piece of bread just gets smaller and smaller.

At least that’s what I think when I’m having a bad day. The truth is, I’m not losing anything. Worrying that I’m a misfit with no solution are all illusions of the sceptic that need to go. I am not throwing my tiny piece of bread into nothingness.

It’s just that I’m quickly becoming aware of things that were never right in my life, aspects of me which I ignored because I didn’t have the courage to face them. And it hurts to see them. But now I do. Now that I shine a light, I can see my dark corners. And having guilt or shame about these dark corners is not allowed because it’s all part of the process. And in a way, it’s beautiful.

So listen up, sceptic: I will be patient and I will keep you calm. That’s it. Try to cooperate. I’m just trying to make you feel it, even if only for a split-second. We are what we are looking for, man.

Can you feel it? The big fish is us.

Aquarius

My body is the home of violent emotions
Some of which I don’t understand
I ignore them and suppress them
But I’m not able to withstand.

Searching for the brightest light
Quitely shining around the corner
I see clearly and laugh out loud
But when I open my eyes, I feel the void.

Scary is to not know
Fear is to believe I diverted
Will the void get out of control?
Is the promise land a hoax?

No way
I let go and I come home
The void is just a game I play
I know that. I feel that. It’s okay.

No hard feelings
Lies; of course, there are
Darkness is full of them
Hidden in the birds, in the trees and in the sea.

I meditate and I sink
And slowly, I let myself be pulled back
I’m not speeding up the journey
Where to, if what I need is to get back to the start?

So I let darkness kiss my cheek
My heart, my eyes, and my feet
I let it prepare me for what’s coming
I let it show me what I need to see.