Finding my light

This is my test.
This is my time to prove that I understood that I deserve to experience great things in life. That I deserve to love, to laugh, and to be light. To receive light. Darkness is here only to help me realise that. to help me realise my light.

Mariana

Spirit friends

I feel the spirits of those who passed
as if I’d been there too
when in darkness I find my peace
where there’s nothing I’ve got to do
in their words I find my truth
in their dreams, hopes and fears
long gone
but which I feel are so near
only they know where I’m now
in this deep sorrow of mine
that if I said I didn’t love
I’d be lying

Aquarius

My body is the home of violent emotions
Some of which I don’t understand
I ignore them and suppress them
But I’m not able to withstand.

Searching for the brightest light
Softly beaming in the darkest corner
I spot it and laugh out loud
But when I open my eyes, I feel the void.

Scary is to not know
Fear is to doubt
Will the void get out of control?
Is the promise land a hoax?

No way
I hit the breaks and I come home
The void is just a game I play
I know that. I feel that. It’s okay.

No hard feelings
Lies; of course there are
Darkness is full of them
Hidden in the birds, in the trees and in the sea.

I meditate and I sink
And slowly, I let myself be pulled back
I’m not speeding up the journey
Where to, if what I need is to get back to the start?

So I let darkness kiss my cheek
My eyes, my heart, and my feet
I invite it to sit with me
And let is show me what I need to see

Onion Pain, How I Keep Myself Sane

I’m afraid this pain will reach my core,
dragging me down towards the floor.

I just want it to go away,
But it insists we have to play.

I shake its hand, look at it straight in the eye.
It gets embarrassed and waves me goodbye.

I will always shine light on your shadow.
I will never allow you to settle.

Surrounding my surface,
Looking for a way to get in.

Infecting my layers,
Penetrating my skin.

I’m aware of it now,
That’s how it begins.

I laugh and I’m proud,
Outside my onion rings.

Should I try to dodge it? No.
I fight it once more.

Pain is not for pussy’s,
It’s hard cold war.