The softest of hearts
have the hardest of shells
protection is needed
when you ignore my cry for help
show me that you know
how it feels to break the flow
show me that you’re there
that you see me, that you care
go for the improbable
make yourself vulnerable
answer the doubt that shields my heart
wondering if yours would ever break apart
He knew that I loved him enough to bear with the not knowing – Into the Wild
You can satisfy one thousand desires or conquer just one.
– In Samsara 2001
I saw this video today and giggled at the fact that this bird’s quest is the perfect metaphor for my journey of self-discovery.
Just like this bird, I know where I am going and what I’m looking for. But just like the part of myself which I’m calling the sceptic, nothing seems to be happening: I throw my heart out and my piece of bread just gets smaller and smaller.
At least that’s what I think when I’m having a bad day. The truth is, I’m not losing anything. Worrying that I’m a misfit with no solution are all illusions of the sceptic that need to go. I am not throwing my tiny piece of bread into nothingness.
It’s just that I’m quickly becoming aware of things that were never right in my life, aspects of me which I ignored because I didn’t have the courage to face them. And it hurts to see them. But now I do. Now that I shine a light, I can see my dark corners. And having guilt or shame about these dark corners is not allowed because it’s all part of the process. And in a way, it’s beautiful.
So listen up, sceptic: I will be patient and I will keep you calm. That’s it. Try to cooperate. I’m just trying to make you feel it, even if only for a split-second. We are what we are looking for, man.
Can you feel it? The big fish is us.