“Reality… what a concept!” – Robin Williams
He knew that I loved him enough to bear with the not knowing – Into the Wild
“Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth.” – Henry David Thoreau.
I saw this video today and giggled at the fact that this bird’s quest is the perfect metaphor for my journey of self-discovery.
Just like this bird, I know where I am going and what I’m looking for. But just like the part of myself which I’m calling the sceptic, nothing seems to be happening: I throw my heart out and my piece of bread just gets smaller and smaller.
At least that’s what I think when I’m having a bad day. The truth is, I’m not losing anything. Worrying that I’m a misfit with no solution are all illusions of the sceptic that need to go. I am not throwing my tiny piece of bread into nothingness.
It’s just that I’m quickly becoming aware of things that were never right in my life, aspects of me which I ignored because I didn’t have the courage to face them. And it hurts to see them. But now I do. Now that I shine a light, I can see my dark corners. And having guilt or shame about these dark corners is not allowed because it’s all part of the process. And in a way, it’s beautiful.
So listen up, sceptic: I will be patient and I will keep you calm. That’s it. Try to cooperate. I’m just trying to make you feel it, even if only for a split-second. We are what we are looking for, man.
Can you feel it? The big fish is us.
A friend of mine, Emma, recently told me that she felt that doing the Kundalini teacher training course (yes, we’re almost teachers!), is like finally drinking from an infinite source of water that was scarce all her life – as if she was wondering thirsty along the desert until now. Her words inspired me so much that I ended up writing this… because yes, we were chasing a mirage by joining this course, we had no idea what to expect, we were scared, but we did it anyway! And now I too feel like I’ve found the tip of my Oasis.. something that I thought was only a mirage all my life… and there’s so much to discover! Even if for the rest of the world my Oasis might seem just a crazy mirage, I have tasted it. I am in it. My inner journey has begun 🙂
Desire has not to be destroyed, it has to be purified.